So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize