Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize