Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
