I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
