if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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