Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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