even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
this just has baby written all over it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You are the jesus of drinking
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
