Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
