I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
