...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
