Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
