I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she looked like the before picture.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
