If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
