I have demons in me.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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