my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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