Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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