the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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