Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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