Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
is wine microwaveable?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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