just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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