I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Of course I have a pirate flag
The struggles of a small town man whore
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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