so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
