I wannas sexs uuuuu
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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