he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
