In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Is it because I queefed?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
