She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize