so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
