does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
