Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
