this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
