Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize