Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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