mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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