The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
