i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
