his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
