I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize