I must be too annoying 4 u.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
