maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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