Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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