I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
