My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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