There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
