I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
