If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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