Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
