i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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