I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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