if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
