I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
