Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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