I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she peed on how many people?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
