So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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