moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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