I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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