if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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