WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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