Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize