I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
