I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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