I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
