its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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