i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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