Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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