I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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