Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
