this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
did i walk over a car last night?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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