I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
