my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
