I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so let's talk penis.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
