Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
