you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize