Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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