U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
