it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
