I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
