You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
