i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
