Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
