I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
