why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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