about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
