last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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