He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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