He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
bring money and cleavage
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
