Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
