The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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