i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
