ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
