Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
