Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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