Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
