Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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