Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My breasts were aching with rage.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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