I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
