Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
